it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
