I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
