You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
