If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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