I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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