I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Everything about him screamed your future.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
