I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
