Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
