is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
