that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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