i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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