If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
