I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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