I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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