my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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