it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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