We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
