You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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