what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
