He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
