I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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