ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
