He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
