You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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