She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
