oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
