Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
