The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
