I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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