I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
