it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
