Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
