im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just cropdusted the office
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
