kristin has been a bad kristin
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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