This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
