So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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