my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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