i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
