You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
