Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
