My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
