i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
