It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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