last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
