I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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