i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
