my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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