She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
