where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
