went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
