You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
