Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
