Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
